Abermule v Bont XI

It was a day that Bont FC won't be forgetting for a while, well, at least until Tuesday. It was the second of three trips this month up to the northern wilderness between Newtown and Welshpool, which is only inhabited by wild animals, known locally as humans, and far too many football teams that just happen to be in our league. Today Bont suffered from deja-vu, Abermule away....and no this is not a cut and paste....and no this is not a cut and paste....and no this is not a cut and paste....

Manager Rhodri Morgans read out the starting line up pre-match, but when squishy wide man Osian Davies heard his name, he was in shock and responded with 
"Rhodri, you told me earlier I was on the bench, so I've just eaten a sausage roll" Laughter erupted from everyone in the squad apart from Osian, who spat out crumbs of pastry everywhere.

The game started, with 11 men and a corrupt linesman against 10-man Bont and Osian Davies, who has the genetic build-up of a pork scratching. The game stopped quite quickly after starting because Bont had scored. The Abermule defence was as organised as the £5 DVD bin at Asda as Michael Lowe lobbed the keeper and Bont took the lead for the first time this season.

The referee then chirped up, called a meeting and demanded that everyone stopped giving him shit. He was a strange bloke, who always turned his head and neck to the side when he spoke, and resembled the sort of man who plays bowls and has a collection of model trains, and possibly a husband. Soon after the referees' lecture, midfielder and hard man Scott Lowe, who's so dangerous he should have a fence around him, launched into a tackle. Weird Ref wrongly gave a free kick and it was 1-1.

Anyone thinking that the other 8 goals in this game all went in the Bont net and we lost 9-1?! Well you're wrong, Bont scored again, well Abermule scored the goal for us but it went in and Bont were ahead again, but not for long as it was Desmond 2-2 at the adverts.

After two more rubbish goals, Dean Coleman for Bont and one of them for them, it was 3-3 and then everything went tits up. Captain Sion Jones allegedly hand balled in the box despite being in the Ryan Air "brace brace" position. Abermule scored the penalty making it 4-3. The Abermule no. 7 who had a big round stupid bald head and looked like a Wii character then rounded keeper Trevor Jenkins and made it 5-3.

It would be a remarkable end to this rather long winded heap of nonsense if the last 2 goals went to Bont and it was an amazing 5-5 draw......but it wasn't, mainly because manager Rhodri Morgans brought himself on in goal. He mis-kicked more than a beginner line dancer, giving Abermule their 6th goal on a plate like his mother gives him Sausage and chips every night. 

The 7th goal saw a free kick go straight in over the wall, despite full back Llion Jones trying to confuse the opposition by shouting that the free kick was indirect. It wasn't, and it went 7-3.

In other news, Ceri Jenkins was shown a yellow card for persistent back chat by the feminine referee, who apparently used to play American football. At least that's the rumour circulating, something about him starting with a Tight End but ending up a Wide Receiver.

The post match food was sandwiches, exactly the same as last week. Two choices, cheese and pickle or pickle and cheese. There were no sausage rolls left, as a mysterious character from out of town had been into the pub before the game and eaten the last one. 

Final Score Abermule 7 Bont XI 3

#SausageRolls
#SaysItLikeItIs
#BontFC

Awdur / Author: Ceri Jenkins via Facebook